Rhino's Relaxation Drink

From the looks of things, it seems that relaxation beverages have quickly become one of the "next big things" in the beverage industry. New relaxation beverages and shots are being released almost constantly: to the point where it has become impossible for me to keep up with all of the different products and companies that have been popping up lately. I have reviewed quite a few relaxation beverages for Drinkable Review in the past, and although I tend to enjoy them (even if I don't necessarily always reap the benefits that they claim to offer), I do occasionally stumble across one that sort of misses the point. Unfortunately, Rhino's Relaxation Drink is one of the less than stellar examples.

But first, I'd like to start with what Rhino's Relaxation does right. From a marketing perspective, Rhino's product stands out incredibly well on a shelf. Unlike the world of consumer electronics, white is still an eye-catching color in the beverage industry, as it is relatively rare that you will see a primarily white can/label/bottle sitting among all of the other busy and colorful graphics of a shelf full of competing products, all vying desperately for what is likely already your only half-committed attention. Because of this, when I do see a white can, I almost instinctively reach out to take a closer look. Rhino's seems to understand the power of having a "clean" label in a world of well-established and familiar logos, as their graphic is printed in a color that mimics the soft, natural grey of the aluminum behind it. The front of the can only includes the necessary information—no space is wasted on meaningless slogans, graphics, or disclaimers—and makes excellent use of empty space to keep the eye focused on the important details.

But what makes Rhino's Relaxation unique among interesting cans is the actual physical feel of the label. Rather than sticking with the smooth, metallic feel of a typical beverage can, Rhino's has opted to apply a sort of rough matte finish to their cans, giving them a tactile sensation not unlike that of Bristol paper or eggshell-finish wall paint. I was not expecting this when I picked it up in the store (although I did wonder for a moment why the can was not reflecting light in quite the same way as the others on the shelf), and the novelty of it caught me so off guard that I immediately placed the can into my shopping basket. Rhino's has produced a drink that quite literally feels unique—something that has become increasingly difficult to do in the rapidly expanding independent beverage market. 

Unfortunately, this is where most of my enjoyment of the beverage stopped. The relaxation offering from Rhino's product line comes in one flavor so far: blueberry/blackberry. I was, at first, very excited to give this one a try, as I am generally a fan of both blueberry and blackberry, but my excitement waned somewhat upon opening the can. Immediately after popping the tab open, my nose was greeted with a very strong, pungent smell that, for a moment, bordered on foul. The smell dissipated and mellowed out after a moment, but the first impression was made, and it was not a promising one.

Although I have learned that smells can often be deceiving, the actual flavor of Rhino's Relaxation was not entirely appealing, either. The blueberry and blackberry flavors were both noticeable in the drink, but the flavor as a whole was overshadowed by an acidic "energy drink" overtone (likely from the inclusion of too much citric acid) that muddled the flavors with a caustic sourness. The ingredients list also features black carrot juice, and while the carrot flavor is noticeable if you focus your senses carefully, it mostly just gets lost in the acidic flavor of the rest of the drink. All things considered, the flavor does not speak of "relaxation" to me like many of the other relaxation beverages that I have tried and liked. Rather, it tastes like one would expect a "high-octane" energy drink to taste: aggressive, with a faint hint of trying too hard. While I don't necessarily mind aggressively flavored beverages, the sour acidity of Rhino's Relaxation became too much for me to tolerate towards the end of the drink, and I eventually found myself pouring out the last couple of ounces. 

As I have said before in my reviews, I usually don't experience the alterations in consciousness that many do when drinking these sorts of drinks, so I feel that it would be unfair for me to spend time criticizing the drink's ineffectiveness when I knew from the start that it was not likely to affect me. With this in mind, I will keep my discussion of the functionality simple. The drink's "relaxation cocktail" contains a mixture of valerian root extract, L-theanine, lemon balm extract, and chamomile extract. If you are like me and are not easily swayed by anything less than pharmaceutical-grade supplements, then this drink is not likely to do much to help you relax. However, if you have previously had positive experiences with any of the ingredients listed above, then Rhino's Relaxation will probably do the trick.

Overall, I'm afraid that I can't recommend Rhino's Relaxation. Although I really liked the design of the can, I just couldn't get used to the flavor long enough to enjoy the drink. If you are a fan of some of the more mainstream energy drinks and you don't mind highly acidic overtones in your drinks, then you may find a lot to like in Rhino's Relaxation. Otherwise, it would probably be best to just steer clear.

Verdict: Not recommended

Purchased: Bi-Lo [Greenwood, SC]

Size: 8.3 fl. oz. [250mL]

Price paid: $2.49

Steaz Sparkling Green Tea Root Beer

Steaz is a company with which I have had a bit of a "speckled" history. Their products are always interesting in theory, but I've found that they tend to be pretty hit-or-miss in actuality. I have really enjoyed some of Steaz's products, but at the same time I have also found many of their products to be sort of...blah. Unfortunately, the sparkling green tea root beer falls pretty heavily into the latter category.

When I found this in the store, I wasn't really sure what to think. For a time, I didn't really even want to buy it, as I thought that the combination of root beer and green tea sounded a little bit too strange (not to mention the fact that I had already picked up several other drinks and was rapidly approaching the limit of my budget). But, in the end, my curiosity got the best of me and I decided that I had to know for sure whether it was indeed too strange a combination or not. Surprisingly, the flavors were not what I ended up not liking about the drink. In fact, the two flavors work very well together. The very earthy sarsaparilla taste of Steaz's natural root beer blended very well with the subtle flavor of the carbonated green tea, and although the two tastes are very different, the combination of the two gave the drink a very pleasant flavor profile.

What ruined the drink for me, however, was its syrupy sweetness. Steaz uses natural cane sugar to sweeten their drinks, I'm not entirely sure how the drink ended up with such a thick, heavy consistency. There may be something native to Steaz's root beer making process that causes this thickness, but the resulting effect is a strong, almost caramel-like sweetness that often overwhelms the flavor of the drink and always lingers heavily in the aftertaste. The taste is almost like that of a stevia-sweetened beverage without the strange, unpleasantly airy feeling in the aftertaste, and although I do like the flavor, the drink just ends up being too sweet too enjoy. 

But it's still a very interest concept, and for many it may still be worth a try just for that.

Verdict: Not recommended

Purchased: TJ Maxx [Greenwood, SC]

Size: 12 fl. oz. [355mL]

Price paid: $2.50 [4-pack, clearance sale]

Goya Tamarind Nectar

I have had my fair share of somewhat negative experiences with nectars in the past. In general, I feel that they tend to be too thick, and they usually leave me feeling heavy and gross after I drink one. As a result, I tend to steer clear of them, but I recently stumbled across Goya's Tamarind Nectar, and I decided to give it a try for several reasons.

First, I love tamarind. I am sure that I have mentioned this before in a previous post somewhere on this blog, but tamarind is one of my favorite fruits. It's flavor does not always lend itself well to some of the things in which it is included, but I always look forward to trying a new tamarind-inspired product, regardless. Secondly, I have had a relatively positive experience with Goya's products in the past (with maybe one exception), and I calculated that the low asking price justified at least giving the drink a chance. 

Unfortunately, my feelings on the drink are less than positive. A quick look at the ingredients (water, tamarind pulp, high fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, ascorbic acid) reflects the Goya tradition: a relatively simple drink with a strong focus on the fruit at hand. However, the drink does not taste simple. This could be easy blamed on tamarind's naturally complex flavor, but I feel that the complications do not arise from the fruit alone. It is hard to quantify exactly what it is that I don't like about this drink, but I think that it may have something to do with the added ascorbic acid. Although the acid does provide a full daily serving of Vitamin C, I don't think that it was a good addition to the beverage. Natural tamarind tends to have a bit of a bitter undertone, and the acidity of Goya's well-intentioned concoction really just does not mesh well with the tamarind base. Although the taste of the tamarind in the nectar is very earthy and natural, the extra ingredients make it difficult to drink, making Goya's Tamarind Nectar a difficult recommendation for anybody except the most ardent of tamarind fans.

If you really like tamarind and think that you may be able to look past the acidity, then this one is at least worth the money to try out. But on the whole, I really don't think that I can recommend this one. It's just too strange to enjoy, and if you are not previously familiar with tamarind, then this drink is really not the place to start learning more about it. 

Verdict: Not recommended

Purchased: Wal-Mart [Columbia, SC]

Size: 9.6 fl oz [284mL]

Price: $0.99

Seagram's Escapes

I usually tend to dislike these sorts of beverages, and as a result I typically try to avoid purchasing them. However, during a recent trip to the grocery store, I found a lonely bargain bin full of Seagram's Escapes, and seeing as how they were only a dollar a piece, I decided to seize the opportunity to remind myself of the special sort of disappointment that only a 6.4 proof bottle of generic malt beverage can offer.

Although the picture above shows only the—prepare yourself—"Jamaican Me Happy" flavor, I have tried several of the flavors in which Seagram's Escapes are currently available. I will say up front that despite the Jamaican Me Happy's rather unfortunate name, it is definitely my favorite of the flavors that I have tried. However, rather than addressing each flavor in particular, I feel that this time would be better spent discussing the qualities of this sort of beverage in general, as they all tend to have the same features and shortcomings. 

For those unfamiliar with the "genre," malt beverages are brewed (and often fermented) beverages that use malted (sprouted) barley grain as the primary brew ingredient. Traditional beer is the largest example of this sort of drink, but there has been a rising insurrection of these sorts of "flavored beers" appearing on the market over they past few years. I use the term in quotations because Seagram's Escapes and it's competing products are not to be confused with traditional beer that may include flavorings that are added post-brew. Rather, these drinks tend to be vague approximations of the sort of fruity cocktail that one might expect to order at some ramshackle cabana during a particularly hot day at the beach. They lack the savory depth of flavor offered by many ales and lagers, opting instead to pack each sip with so much fruity sweetness that it is hard to taste anything much beyond the bite of the sugar on your tongue.

Now, this is not necessarily to say that they are bad just because they are not really beer. Comparing them to their more painstakingly prepared and carefully engineering counterparts may be a bit unfair, as that is not the image that these drinks try to portray. While many beer breweries strive for complexity, sophistication, and craftsmanship in their presentation, most of the companies that produce these sorts of light and fruity malt beverages aim to offer easy and accessible alcoholic beverages for people who may not like the intensity of stronger beers and spirits. Seagram's is especially specific in their goal for their Escapes line: images of ocean fronts and other equally tranquil locales rest conspicuously behind depictions of freshly sliced fruits, inviting the drinker to enter a world of refreshment and alcoholic relaxation. 

While it may be unfair to hold these more casual "dranks" to the same standards as other alcoholic beverages, my issues with the drinks in question actually stem from inherent problems with the beverages themselves, not the existence of superior or differing products. The first major problem that I find with products like Seagram's Escapes is the excessive sweetness. To me, the sweetness is entirely overbearing, and is more indicative of a sugary soft drink than a brewed malt beverage. The real turnoff, however, comes from the tiny, nagging hint of alcohol in the background. Seagram's Escapes are a particularly strong example of this. Clocking in at a mere 3.2% alcohol by volume, the drink feels confused and busy rather than light and refreshing. What little alcohol that there is in the drink competes with the other flavors in a rather uninteresting and non-cohesive way, and instead of offering a "lighter alcohol experience," it really just serves as a constant reminder that what you are drinking really just does not make sense as an alcoholic beverage. Every time that I drink one of these things, I feel like the companies that make them are just frantically trying to cover up the unappealing taste of generic malt beverage with soda-like qualities, and I often find myself staring at the bottle and wondering why they don't just make them as non-alcoholic soft drinks in the first place. That way, those who really do not like the taste of alcohol could at least use them as chasers.

If you are okay with the taste of generic, fruity beverages and you just want something low-impact to drink at a party, then Seagram's Escapes will likely do in a pinch. Otherwise, they really just aren't worth the calories.

Verdict: Not recommended

Purchased: Bi-Lo [Greenwood, SC]

Size: 11.2 fl oz [330mL]

Price: $1.00 per bottle [discounted]

Punjana Irish Breakfast Tea

I am, in general, a fan of Irish Breakfast tea. So I'm sure that you can imagine that I was excited to find this large bag of the stuff at Big Lots for such an affordable price (80 bags for $4.00). Unfortunately, my excitement was rather short lived, as Punjana's Irish Breakfast tea is a good bit too bitter for my tastes. Being a black tea, Irish Breakfast tea in general usually has a bit of bitter kick to it, and I have come to expect that when trying out different varieties. But Punjana's tea is just too bitter. When I first tried the tea, I just assumed that I had let the bag steep too long, so I tried again...multiple times, each time at a different time interval. However, none of them seemed to make much difference in the bitter flavor, even after a round of steeping the tea for only one minute. Each time I was met with the same overwhelming bitterness that hid most of the actual flavor of the tea.

Nothing that I did really seemed to help much, and although adding cream and sugar may have been a more immediate solution than repeatedly trying to fix the tea "properly," I decided just to skip the alterations and enjoy some Adagio Irish Breakfast tea, instead. I am generally of the opinion that if you have to dress a tea up to enjoy it, then it's probably safe to say that you just don't like that tea. 

So, if you like teas with very heavy tannins, then Punjana's Irish Breakfast tea may suit you just fine. But I can only handle so much bitterness in my tea, and as a result I unfortunately can not recommend this one.

Verdict: Not recommended

Purchased: Big Lots [Greenwood, SC]

Size: 80 tea bags

Price: $4.00 [discounted]

Harmless Harvest Coconut Water

I am really not sold on this recent coconut water craze. I have tried quite a few different coconut water drinks at this point, and all of them have been...well, frankly, they've been bad. However, I have had several recommendations to try Harmless Harvest's coconut byproduct, so I decided to pick up one when I came across some of them this past weekend. 

I think that I can finally say without any doubt that coconut water really just isn't for me. I have a really hard time drinking the stuff, and although Harmeless Harvest's coconut water is a little bit different from the others that I have had, it is still coconut water. It does taste very fresh, and I have to say that it is a lot more palatable than other brands. This may be due largely to the fact that Harmless Harvest does not use heat to pasteurize its product. Although pasteurization is often necessary to ensure that the drinks that we buy in the store are sanitary enough for general consumer use, heat does tend to have a bad habit of altering the flavor of things. So instead, Harmless Harvest subjects its coconut water to intense pressure before bottling. This sanitizes the drink without subjecting the coconut water to external heat, thus avoiding any potential change in the liquid's chemical make-up and therefore retaining the original, raw taste of the liquid.

I can definitely taste the difference in Harmless Harvest's coconut water. It has a more natural taste, and the flavor of the actual coconut is more noticeable than in other brands. Most of the coconut waters that I have had in the past just tasted salty, and bore little resemblance to the fruit from which they originated. Although the taste is more natural and a little bit more bearable than other drinks of the type, I still found myself struggling to drink it. Each return to the bottle was an exercise in willpower, and although I did finish the entire serving in one sitting, I found myself more confused than anything else. I found the taste to be pungent and strange for the first second or two, after which the aftertaste quickly becomes sort of light and intriguing. Although I don't really mind the aftertaste (in fact, I kind of liked it this time around), I still did not think that it was worth having to fight through the initial mouthfeel of the drink. 

Overall, I don't feel like I can recommend Harmless Harvest's coconut water. I do find their alternative method of sterilization very interesting, and I do recognize that of the coconut waters that I have had, this is the best. But I think that I am now comfortable with accepting the fact that I just don't like coconut water. I have tried and tried and tried to enjoy the stuff, and I really just can't. It is too strange and salty for my tastes. However, if you do enjoy coconut water, or if you are looking for a unique and interesting new beverage experience, then this one is probably worth a shot.

Verdict: Not recommended

Purchased: Whole Foods Market [Greenville, SC]

Size: 8 fl. oz. [235mL]

Price: $2.69   

What was supposed to be Touch Organic: Apricot White Tea

Well, I'm going out of town today, and I stayed up really late last night writing today's review. It was actually a really long review, too, but apparently when I tried to access the site through my iPad this morning to post the review, it just decided to wipe the draft clean, instead.

So, unfortunately, there won't be a review today. And, out of frustration, I may not be re-writing the one that was supposed to go up today any time soon. It took me two hours to write, and I don't know that I'll be able to get my thoughts about the drink down quite the same way again.

So I will see you all back here again on Friday.

Peace.

- Hayden

Wonderfarm Dragon Fruit Drink

When I found this on the shelf next to the Foco Pomegranate Juice that I reviewed several days ago, I was really excited to try it. I love dragon fruit, and this was the first time that I had ever seen just a plain dragon fruit drink that wasn't mixed into some greater juice concoction. However, after tasting it, I think that it may have been better off as a part of a larger recipe, after all. A very small part.

If my disappointment with Wonderfarm's dragon fruit offering is not already clear, I will make it plain now: I don't care for this drink. I'm not entirely sure what it is about this one that is so off-putting to my palate, as the overall flavor itself is not particularly offensive, but I think that one of the primary reasons may be that it doesn't really taste like dragon fruit. You can certainly sense remnants of what was once dragon fruit in the flavor, but the added water and sugar give the liquid a syrupy taste and consistency. The aftertaste is also very heavy, and lingers in the olfactory longer than I would have liked. Honestly, it's just too sweet. I think that the added sugar was the mistake here, as it seems to have turned the quiet, ephemeral taste of the dragon fruit into something else entirely.

There is dragon fruit pulp in the bottom of the can, which is a bit of a saving grace in this otherwise unappealing beverage, but if I really want to have that sort of interaction with dragon fruit, I'll just buy a dragon fruit. The chunks of fruit are tasty, and they do distract you a bit from the strange ambiance of the surrounding fluid, but having to drink the rest of the drink to get to them just isn't worth it.

Verdict: Not recommended

Purchased: Unkown Asian Market [Spartanburg, SC]

Size: 11.1 fl. oz. [330mL]

Price: $0.99

Phenom Natural Coconut Water

By this point, I have had several coconut waters, and none of them have been very good. I came across this one while perusing the shelves of my local Big Lots (I actually managed to get that stubborn price sticker off of the front this time) and despite my previous bad encounters with coconut water, I decided to give it a try.

I was hoping that the blueberry apple flavoring would help make the coconut milk a bit more palatable. Unfortunately, the flavorings were not enough to overpower the odd saltiness of the coconut water. The flavors were certainly there, and I actually liked the blueberry taste a good bit, but the strangeness of the coconut water still prevailed. It's salty and savory in a way that a beverage shouldn't be, and the added electrolytes don't help with the taste very much. Like other coconut waters, it is very hydrating, as the salts and electrolytes help your body to absorb more of the actual water, but I don't know that the taste is worth it.

I wish that I could feel differently about coconut water. Coconut water drinks have been an increasingly popular trend in the beverage industry as of late, and I really would like to understand what all the fuss is about. Nothing would please me more than to have my mind changed about the stuff. Unfortunately, Phenom Natural Coconut water is not the drink to rescue my opinion of the beverage.

Verdict: Not recommended


Purchased: Big Lots [Greenwood, SC]
Size: 16.9 fl. oz. [500mL]
Price: $0.75 [Reduced]

Dry Lemongrass Soda

For those of you who are unaware, I absolutely love to cook. Although it usually leaves a bit of a mess behind, I am a particularly avid fan of Asian cooking. Lemongrass ranks pretty high on my list of favorite Asian seasonings, so I am sure that you can imagine my excitement when I found this beverage sitting on the shelf in my local organic grocery store. 

Upon buying the beverage, I was not familiar with Dry Soda Co., but after doing a bit of research, I came to find out that they are a fairly new soda manufacturer that focuses on creating all natural sodas that are less sweet than the competitors and better for your health, overall. I always tend to enjoy sodas that focus more on the flavor and less on the sugar, and I was naturally excited to give this one a try.

Unfortunately, I was met with a flavor that I can only describe as "strange." Although the drink did have hints of a distinctly lemongrass flavor, I'm not entirely sure how to describe the overall taste. The aroma of the beverage smells a bit like lemon-scented dishwasher detergent, which is a bit odd, but not necessarily bad. It just didn't smell or taste like I what I was expecting. I think that I was anticipating a taste more along the lines of lemongrass after it has been cooked into a recipe, but was instead met with a more raw, natural lemongrass taste. 

Overall, the drink was not bad by any means. The level of sweetness is well-balanced, and is present without being overbearing. However, I don't know how much the sugar adds to this particular flavor, as the taste of the lemongrass is so prominent that the marginal sweetness almost doesn't affect the beverage. Again, the taste is not really bad, per se. It's just really strange, and I don't know that I can say that I like it. I think that this one is definitely worth a try if and only if you like lemongrass, but I would not recommend this one to the general consumer.

Lemongrass makes for an excellent spice, but I don't know that it is the best ingredient in a soda. The "healthy soda" ethos of Dry Soda does incline me to give some of the other flavors a try, however, and I think that many of the other flavors that the company offers would lend themselves better to a "less sweet" soda approach.

Verdict: Not recommended

Purchased: Earth Fare [Columbia, SC]

Size: 12 fl. oz. [355 mL]

Price: $6.99 [4-pack]

Foco Pennywort Drink

There is a fair amount of what could be construed by some as "vegetable hate" in the text below, so as a disclaimer before this review, I would like to say that I absolutely love vegetables. In fact, when I cook for myself, I typically maintain a fairly strict and healthy vegetarian diet. Anyway, on to the content.

This drink has been sitting in my refrigerator for the past two months. I bought it at a local Asian market on the way home from a Vietnamese restaurant, and I have been avoiding it ever since. I always enjoy trying new beverages, and a lot of the "weird Asian drinks" tend to leave me at least pleasantly surprised, but there is still a certain sort of fear that comes with trying some of these beverages for the first time. Every so often, I let that fear get the best of me, particularly when the only information that I have at my disposal about the contents of the beverage is an image of a few leaves on the front of the can. 

I finally caved in yesterday and decided to just go for it and give this one a taste. The only ingredients in the thing are water, pennywort leaf extract, sugar, and citric acid (which is somehow used as an "acid regulator"), so I received no help from the container in trying to figure out what to expect. After struggling to force the almost unecessarily sturdy can open, I was greeted by the smell of liquified green vegetables. I'm not entirely sure why this came as such a shock, but the unexpected pungency of the aroma almost turned me off to the drink completely. I managed to hold it together long enough to take a sip, though, and quickly came to the thankful realization that this is one of those weird drinks that tastes almost nothing like it smells.

The taste of the beverage is hard to explain, really. I would unhelpfully assume that it tastes like pennywort, but seeing as I have never had pennywort, I can not attest to that. The drink is significantly sweet, and although the "vegetable juice" taste is there, it's not horribly pronounced amidst the added sugar. In terms of taste, the the closest comparison is that of a fruit/vegetable cocktail like V8 Spalsh with a little bit less emphasis on the fruit. The liquid itself, however, is rather thick and viscous, and gives the drink a heft more along the lines of a nutritional supplement rather than an every day beverage. 

Pennywort drink is not likely to be something that you will want to drink in large servings, if at all. The flavor has this sort of weird vegetable putridness that is not evident at first, but starts to become more noticeable the more that you drink. When I first started the can, I thought that I was going to like it, but after I got about four sips in I started to quickly get tired of the taste. I thought that perhaps it was just a drink that needed to be taken slowly, but even after almost an hour after opening the can, I still did not want any more of it and ultimately just ended up pouring it out.

This is a difficult one to recommend, even as an interesting rarity. Although I did like it at the beginning, it grew unappealing so quickly that I can't help but question if I actually liked it at the start, or if the incongruity between the taste and the smell was simply temporarily confusing my senses. Foco's concoction is enjoyable on some kind of a "not-quite-a-beverage" level, but as a beverage it kind of just gives me the feeling that maybe pennywort juice is one of those things that it's just okay not to drink. It's not terrible, and it certainly won't hurt you, but unless you have a strong desire to find out what pennywort tastes like, I think that this one is most likely safe to skip.

Verdict: Not recommended

Purchased: Golden Market [Columbia, SC]

Size: 11.8 fl. oz. [350 mL]

Price: $1.00

Rainforest Cola

First and foremost, I apologize for the obnoxious sticker covering up the logo on this can. Big Lots seems to have a bad habit of identifying the most important parts of beverage label graphics and subsequently deciding that that is, obviously, the best place to apply their fluorescent orange, non-removable sticker. However, it is very difficult to complain when a hard-to-find beverage is offered for only 50 cents.

Rainforest Cola is, as the can indicates, an acai infused cola. As I've noted on the blog before, acai has been on the rise lately in the beverage industry. I knew that it was only a matter of time before people started experimenting with mixing the fruit into sodas, and when I read about this one a month or two ago, I wanted to track it down and give it a try. My experience with acai flavored beverages thus far has been fairly polarized. The drinks that I've had so far have either been very good or just bad, with little middle ground. This is no different with Rainforest Cola and, unfortunately, this one does not fall on the "good" side of things. 

Although I am very familiar with the flavors of both cola and acai, I could not imagine the two together. Even upon smelling the beverage, I still had a lot of difficulty formulating an expectation about the flavor of the drink. That being said, I don't know that it would have mattered if I had been able to imagine the taste, as I don't think that whatever I could have come up with on my own would have been very accurate. To put it simply, Rainforest Cola is a bit odd. I could tell right away that it was not a beverage that I was going to enjoy, but I could not immediately determine why. The drink is not offensive in any way, and the taste is not necessarily shocking to the taste buds, but there is this underlying weirdness about it that I think turns me off to the taste. Despite the drinks tastes of being an acai infused cola, the acai is very heavy and blots out most of the cola taste. I tend to think of "infused" as meaning light and subtle in flavoring, but the acai is definitely prominent in Rainforest Cola. The tart nature of the acai and the wet and refreshing nature of the cola seem to constantly fight with each other, and the flavor that results is almost coffee-like in its bitter, "dry liquid" taste.

If you are a big fan of acai, you may like this one, as that's really the driving taste here. It's certainly not a horrible beverage, and I've definitely had worse, but I really just don't think that the combination of cola and acai is a good one. The flavors seem a bit contradictory, and while I commend Rainforest Cola for taking the risk inherent in experimentation, I think that a simple and straightforward acai soda would have been a much better approach.

Verdict: Not recommended

Purchased: Big Lots [Columbia, SC]

Size: 12 fl. oz. [355 mL]

Price: $0.50 [Discounted]

Inca Kola

Inca Kola is a beverage that I have been looking forward to trying for quite some time. I heard about Inca Kola quite some time ago, but then kind of forgot about it. So, when I unexpectedly came across it at a local grocery store, remembering that I'd been looking for it was a nice surprise. Unfortunately, the taste of the drink was not such a nice surprise.

I didn't really have any expectations going into the beverage other than the assumption that it was cola flavored. Seeing as how the name contains the word cola (or rather, "kola"), I thought that this was a safe assumption, but I was incorrect. Inca Kola barely tastes like cola at all. I'm not sure if the beverage is supposed to taste like cola or not, but the truth of the matter is that it tastes like bubble gum. It is difficult to tell what the company's intentions are with the flavor, as all of their marketing seems concerned only with the fact that the drink is of a grossly artificial yellow hue. The can touts it simply as "the golden carbonated beverage," which gives no indication as to what the consumer is supposed to be tasting. This leads me to believe that the misspelling of "cola" is intentional, much like the common usage of the term "krab" when referring to imitation crab. Also, the color is not so much "golden" as it is "pure Yellow 5," so I don't even know that that part of the description is entirely accurate. There is a slight twinge of cola in the aftertaste, but the bubble gum taste is entirely overwhelming and I think that it may just be coincidental. 

Overall, I found Inca Kola to be a bit of a disappointment. I can see how someone may enjoy the rather unique taste of the beverage, but I did not like it at all, and it is difficult for me to recommend. Unfortunately, Inca Kola comes across to me as not much more than an empty source of sugar and artificial coloring.

Verdict: Not Recommended

Purchased: Publix [Columbia, SC]

Size: 12 fl. oz. [355mL]

Price: $3.99 [Six-pack]

Malta Goya

First off, I apologize for the blurriness of the picture. I only took one and it looked fine on my camera, so I didn't worry about it. It is therefore only natural according to Murphy's Law that the picture actually be out of focus.

Anyway, I spotted Malta Goya several days ago in the Latin foods section of a local Wal-Mart. I've seen it before and unconsciously never really thought much of it, but I decided to pick one up this time. I have had one malt beverage before in my life, but it was a long time ago, and I think that it was some sort of weird powdered mix, so I don't really remember anything about how it tasted. I wasn't really sure what to expect from a carbonated malt beverage, but I was finally able to give this one a try a few days ago, and there is no way that I could have prepared myself for the taste with which I was met.

This is going to sound dramatic, but Malta Goya tastes like bran cereal. A friend of mine who I was with at the time agreed, specifying further that it tastes very much like the bran flakes out of Raisin Bran cereal, in particular. The drink is sweetened, but...even sweet bran flakes still taste like bran flakes.

The only word that I can think of to describe Malta Goya is "strange." I only took a few drinks of it before pouring the rest out, but throughout the drinks that I did have, I could not shake the feeling that this should not have been a beverage. It honestly tastes like a food, and it is difficult to get over the idea that you are drinking a bran-flavored substance in liquid form.

Verdict: Not recommended

Purchased: Wal-Mart [Columbia, SC]

Size: 12 fl. oz. [355 mL]

Price: $0.89

Coco Exposed

I'm not even really sure where to start on this one. My brief time with Coco Exposed was definitely one of the more "interesting" beverage experiences that I have had in the past few years. There is a lot going on in this drink, and none of it is particularly appetizing.

First of all, I should probably say that I didn't realize that this was coconut-based. I'm really not sure how I managed to miss the coconut on the front of the packaging, the words "pure coconut water" in the description, and the fact that it is called Coco Exposed, but...I did, somehow. If I had not contracted temporary coconut blindness, I probably never would have picked this one up. I don't really like coconut water, and this one really didn't help very much to change my mind. 

Coco Exposed is a beverage that consists of - get ready for this - coconut water, aloe vera, and wheatgrass. Now, there are plenty of beverages out there that combine many more flavors than that, but coconut, aloe vera, and wheatgrass are all very different and very strong. I bought this thinking that it was just an aloe vera beverage with wheatgrass, because I like aloe drinks a good bit, but there is just way too much going on in this bottle for the aloe to save it. The drink, frankly, tastes like it would be better suited as a delicious, toasty cake rather than being trapped in its current liquid form. It reminds me very much of the soft coconut macaroons that are commonly found on the dessert bar of most Chinese buffets. The chunks of aloe in the drink don't help either, as the beverage already tastes like it should be of a soft and spongy consistency and having pieces of another solid that is entirely different in every way mixed into the experience only furthers the already overwhelming sensory confusion. I could taste the wheatgrass, but it was kind of insignificant amidst the overpowering taste of the coconut, and seeing as I've never had wheatgrass before, I'm not sure if it added or subtracted from the experience. I think that I would advise all but the most curious or courageous of drinkers to really just avoid this one.

Verdict: Not Recommended

Purchased: World Market [Columbia, SC]

Size: 11.8 fl. oz.

Price: About $1.50

As an added note, you may want to be careful when searching for this online. Some of the results that I got back were, to put it politely, "not safe for work."

Ginseng UP

I have seen Ginseng UP at most of the organic grocers that I have visited so far (and even some of the Asian markets), and have always wondered about it as I chose something else from the shelf. I finally decided to give one a try this past week, and although my curiosity has been satiated, I am starting to feel that ginseng really just does not make for a good beverage.

To start off positive, the flavor of the ginseng used in the beverage is very natural. It has a very dry, earthy ginseng taste, and it is clear that it is derived from organic ingredients. That, however, is about where the appeal stops. Ginseng UP is sweetened with fructose, which is fairly sweet and syrupy and doesn't really mix very well with the mild bitterness of the ginseng. The drink also has a bit of a thick taste, likely due to the heavier nature of the fructose (as opposed to sucrose). This thickness also causes the flavor to hang around in the aftertaste for quite some time, making the all around experience relatively unpleasant. Also, Ginseng UP promotes itself as a "100% Natural Soda," but it was barely carbonated at all. I will admit that I am a bit biased, as I tend to prefer my carbonated drinks as bubbly as possible (I like it to "bite" my mouth a little on the way down), but I don't think that anyone would consider this as carbonated as a soda should be. There is a chance that I may have somehow gotten one that had gone flat, but expecting carbonation and not really getting any is always a disappointing experience.

I like ginseng, and I couldn't finish this drink. That's not to say that nobody is going to like it, but I could not stomach the flavor and aftertaste for more than a few drinks. Ginseng UP is offered in a variety of other flavors, and perhaps some of the others are better, but based on my experience with this one, I think that it will probably be a while before I "try again." I think that if this drink had been unsweetened, it would have been a lot better. Ginseng has a very particular flavor that is only muddled by sweetening, and ginseng-based beverages are most often used as nutritional supplements, anyway. I don't know that sweetening is strictly necessary, and I think that a drink that simply emphasizes the very organic and earthy taste of the ginseng would be much easier to recommend.

Verdict: Not recommended

Purchased: Rosewood Market [Columbia, SC]

Size: 12 fl. oz. [355 mL]

Price: $1.59

Blue Energy

This was previously one of the few beverages from my local Earth Fare that I had not yet sampled, so on a recent trip to the beloved grocer I decided to finally pick one up. I've had fairly good luck with natural energy drinks so far, and even the bad ones have only been mildly offensive. But as soon as I popped this one open today, I could tell by the immediate aroma that this one was not a winner. The drink, for lack of a better description, smells like an energy drink. It has that chemical-ridden, acidic fragrance that so many energy drinks share, and the smell was so strong that I barely had to put my nose to it to register the odor.

After setting aside the hesitations caused by the horrid bouquet, the first drink revealed that this was not a beverage for me. It tastes like any other energy drink that you would find in a gas station refrigerator. More specifically, it tastes like Red Bull with cherry. The taurine is overwhelming and the beverage overall tastes like bitter citrus, although there is no citrus whatsoever in the ingredients. The drink did have a flavor somewhat reminiscent of birch beer lingering in the background, but in the face of the rest of the ingredients, it didn't really matter. I wish that I could recommend Blue Energy, but I unfortunately can't really find anything good about it to promote.

Now...if only I could figure out why I drank the whole can.

Verdict: Not Recommended?

Purchased: Earth Fare [Columbia, SC]

Size: 8.3 fl. oz. [246 mL]

Price: About $2.50



V8 V-Fusion Plus Tea

Ever since I was a child, I have always hated tomato juice. I do, on occasion, drink the occasional glass of the stuff simply because I know how good it is for me, but those occasions are always exercises in my mental capacity to manage disgust. However, I am a big fan of V8's other ventures into fruit/vegetable juice fusions, and I've been enthusiastically drinking V8 Spalsh and Fusion for several years now. Diminishing returns has been setting in recently, however, until I ran across this flavor at a local Big Lots and decided to give the stuff another (hopefully rejuvinating) try.

I am sad to say that this was not the particular rejuvination that I needed. I'm not entirely sure what this country's sudden obsession with mixing things with green tea is or where it came from, but there are some things that are better off just standing on their own. Don't get me wrong, I love green tea. But I feel like green tea is the new "last flavor resort." I imagine a lot of board meetings proceeding as follows:

"Sir, we have our new flavor finished and we've sent out samples for testing."

"How are the reactions?"

"Well...so far they've been subpar. People don't seem to like it a whole lot, but we've got two weeks before the finished product ships and we can't make any significant changes to the formula."

"Hmm...well...just mix it with some green tea. It will sell like crazy."

I understand that green tea is a wonderful beverage. It is rich in antioxidants and other nutrients, but it has a very distinct flavor and really only works well with specific types of other flavors. And yet, it is everywhere, being mixed with everything. It is the new "buzzword" in the beverage industry, and I'm not entirely sure why.

Anyway, rantings aside, this blend of V-Fusion is only okay. It is certainly not undrinkable in any way; in fact, I'd prefer it to a lot of the other casual health beverage alternatives that are out there. But it's not great. The flavors amalgomate heterogeneously into a strange pile of tastes on the palatte, and it feels as though the ingredients are fighting for dominance in one's olfactory. The strange combination of tastes also tends to accentuate the sucralose. I don't mind the taste of sucralose as much as other artificial sweeteners, but I still prefer it to be a background taste that is masked by the flavor of whatever I am drinking. In my opinion, the function of sweeteners (of any sort) is to accentuate the natural taste of the beverage and add a bit of drinkability to an otherwise bitter or acidic flavor, not to be present as its own taste.

Hence my rampaging distaste of stevia extract.

But, to get back to the point, V8 V-Fusion Raspberry Green Tea is just trying to do too many things at once. Between combining fruit and vegetable juice and trying to bring the raspberry to prominence, all while featuring the green tea, the drink just collapses into a black hole of flavors in which all flavors are contained but none of them escape. It's just...odd, really, and there are definitely better versions of the stuff out there.

Verdict: Not recommended, try another flavor

Purchased: Big Lots [Greenwood, SC]
Size: 46 fl. oz. [1.36 L]
Price: $1.50 [Discounted]

T42 Tropical Nectars

I have always had an aversion to nectars. In general, I am of the opinion that a beverage should not be viscous enough to use as a pancake topping. I picked this one up this past weekend while I was at Earth Fare trying to activate a coupon. The canned Sapparo that I had originally selected did not count towards my total due to its alcohol nature, so I swapped it out for this and an Honest Tea to push my total high enough to legitimize my coupon. I knew going into this one that I probably was not going to like it. I have yet to have a nectar that I found palatable, and T₄2 was no exception.

As soon as I opened the drink, I could tell that it was too thick. A few bubbles rose to the top of the liquid upon the fluid's reintroduction to the air, but they moved so slowly that I could watch each individual bubble struggle its way to the surface. The beverage even smelled thick, and had a dense, syrup-like aroma. My hypothesis was confirmed upon consumption, as the nectar was indeed of high viscosity. 

I'm not really sure as to what exactly the appeal of nectars is supposed to be. I guess they are, generally, very natural and close to their source of origin, but I don't really know that the taste is worth it. T₄2 is very, very sweet. It is a natural sweetness, to be sure, but it is still too sweet and sugary for my taste. The mango is also very strong, and overpowers any hint of the carrot that may be there. If you like mango, then you may like this one, as it tastes pretty much like a liquefied mango. I am not the world's biggest mango fan, so my opinion of the flavor may be slanted, but I feel that this would be much easier to consider recommending to other adventurous beverage consumers if there was something to help balance out the sweetness of the mango. The carrot is a good start; there just needs to be more of it. The product as is, however, is too heavy and sweet for me to recommend to anyone but the most die-hard mango fans.

Verdict: Not recommended

Purchased: Earth Fare [Columbia, SC]

Size: 16 fl. oz. [473mL]

Price: $1.99

Superior Ginseng Drink

I paid a visit to my local Asian market for the first time in a while this past weekend. Every time that I go, I pass by these tiny drinks in the tea aisle during my shopping and I wonder every time what the small beverage is like. Well, I can officially lay my curiosity to rest, as I have finally tried one and it is really not very good.

As far as the ginseng flavor goes, the drink is very satisfying. I love ginseng, and the flavor is very natural. However, this makes a lot of sense, as the beverage literally gets its flavor straight from a chunk of ginseng root contained within the interestingly shaped glass bottle. The ginseng is not, from what I can tell by the taste and ingredients, artificially enhanced in any way beyond the flavor dissipation from the root. 

Everything sounds great so far, right? Had the beverage stopped there, that would be correct. The reason that this drink falls short, however, is totally unrelated to ginseng. The drink, unfortunately, has been sweetened. But not with any conventional sweetener; no. That would be too...conventional. The beverage is sweetened with honey alcohol. Now, I have never experienced honey alcohol before, and I think that it is fair to say that my first exposure has turned me off to the stuff. The sweetness offered by the substance is...peculiar. It has a mild pungency to it, and leaves a horribly dry and unappetizing taste in the back of the throat. The aftertaste just does not sit well, and lingers for some time after the initial consumption. I practically had to empty my water bottle before the taste started to subside after only taking a few drinks of the already very small beverage. Although the taste of the ginseng is well-cultivated, the drink overall has a musty, bitter taste due to the odd mixture of ingredients, and I think that I would definitely have a very difficult time recommending this one to anyone other than the most die-hard of ginseng fans.

Note: This is not an alcoholic beverage. Honey alcohol contains less than 0.05% alcohol by volume and is not  actually an alcoholic ingredient.

Verdict: Not recommended

Purchased: Asian Market [Columbia, SC]

Size: 4 fl. oz. [120 mL]

Price: $1.75